I have no words…
Okay, I lied… I have words.
Are you fucking kidding me? This kid stands there, all proud of what he did, thinking he shouldn’t be punished except for NO GAMES FOR THE WEEKEND? Did you SEE what he did to his grandmother’s SUV? HE RIPPED THE FRONT AXLE OFF! Don’t worry about getting arrested, honey, BEAT THAT KID’S ASS!
Oh lord…
Okay, so you all watched American Idol on Tuesday and Wednesday (shut up, I know you did!). It was a really great night and had some TRULY great performances… and some truly SHITTY ones, too!
The two Davids knocked it out, no one can deny that! And even, to my chagrin, Syesha did well… Brooke totally fucks up, has to START OVER, and does a so-so rendition of her song, while Jason Castro… lord, DON’T GET ME STARTED!
Okay, here’s the thing about him. He always sings these songs and turns them into fireside hippy crap. You know what I mean, he makes them all sounds the same and all you can do is bob your head along to them.
So, below you will find Brooke and Jason’s performances:
Did he do anything but BREATHE? I couldn’t get past all of the inhaling and exhaling. And, it pretty much SUCKED.
Yet, on Wednesday, CARLY GETS ELIMINATED! Now, I know what happened. People felt sorry for Brooke (rightfully) and Jason (so WRONGFULLY), and decided to flood in votes because they didn’t think anyone else would. So, because of that, CARLY and Syesha got in the bottom two!
You watched the above videos, now watch this one… It’s of Carly singing “Jesus Christ Superstar”!
HOW AWESOME WAS THAT? Right? Oy vey. America, SO got it wrong!
Now we have to go through another week with Jason! I like Brooke, and think she just had an off night, so I’m glad she wasn’t eliminated. But JASON! Pur-LEASE! GO AWAY ALREADY!
For the hell of it, here are the other three performances…!
(P.S. Robin - I added this post so the next one wouldn’t be the first thing you saw when you visited!)
You may have noticed by now that my scattered appearances on this site are always about sex. Yeah… that probably isn’t going to change. I do have other fun and exciting topics for you, but forgive me if I have to work myself up to them. I mean, it is one thing to bring up Shindler’s Fist as casual dinner conversation, but as far as putting it on the internet where at some point my mother might come across it? It is a little unnerving.
Anywho, this entry is not about my vag (you’re welcome, Kyle), but it is an open ended question to the fellas in the house.
What is with masturbating into socks? I totally don’t get it. I mean… I am a lezzie and stuff so I’m not even sure, but does that shit wash out? Aren’t those socks dirty to have so close to your man parts? If they are clean then why not use them for your feet… to wear!
I would suggest jacking off with a condom on, but I don’t know if that works or not. If anything else a towel seems good. Plus I hear a lot of dudes do it in the shower. That seems like the best bet, but if you choose to do so you should definitely clean it up. I can imagine how pissed I would be if I went to take a shower and all my bath stuff was covered in gizz (jizz?). That would suck.
Total side note: Carly gets kicked off Idol? Wtf?
This morning while I was walking to work (yay sunshine!) I saw one of the most peculiar contraptions ever created for toddlers. This young mother was pushing her son along on this big wheel bicycle. Not just helping him along or what have you, but actually pushing the thing along. There was a tall handle attached to the back that was just at the right height for an adult to grasp. The kid was sitting on this bike DOING NOTHING! The peddles just flew round and round as his chubby little legs hung off the sides motionless. When I passed them, the little kid looked up at me with these round blue eyes as if to say “I’m just as confused as you are!”
If you’re going to transport your kid around town, get a conventional stroller. Making the process of not walking cool and fun will delay the child’s natural development to being independent and capable of movement on his own for an extended period of time. No, I don’t have data to support this, but it just seems to make sense to me. The kid should be ashamed of the stroller. The kid should want to walk around as soon as it is physically able to keep up pace with its parents. This desire isn’t going to develop if the kid sees his stroller as a fun toy.
However, I must admit that if the kid had been actually riding his big wheel down the cobblestone sidewalks of Back Bay I wouldn’t have been too pleased either. That sort of activity is best reserved for playgrounds and back yards where those of us lucky enough to not be at the having children stage of our lives are not present. Big wheels are toys and toys do not belong impeding the free flowing traffic of America’s 2nd best Walking City.
Everyone remember the big thing that Dane Cook was able to get over 2 MILLION friends on MySpace? Well, I was just curious to see what the number was now, and it’s up to 2,352,433. BUT HALF OF THE PROFILES ARE DELETED.
On the first page of friends alone, 32 out of 40 profiles were deleted. It gets a little better as you go in, but seriously, he needs to clear out his friends list! I went through the first ten pages, and there was average of almost 11 people deleted per page. Over the 58,811 pages of friends he has, that would equal almost 650,000 profiles that have been deleted! Of course, I didn’t go through every page (that would be STUPID), and I’ll wager that that amount is on the high side, for sure… But still! It was this BIG THING a while ago, and it’s a LIE.
Clear out your friends list, Dane, so we can get the REAL number!
To check out Dane’s friend list, make sure you’re logged into MySpace, and then click here. I’m not sure if it’ll work if you don’t have an account, but you can try!
This site has been live for a little over two months now (YAY!). Through the WordPress Plugin that allows me to see how many people visit the site and what they look at, it also tells me search engine terms that people type into places like Yahoo! and Google that link to my site… Here are all of them.
| Search | Views |
|---|---|
| bow chicka bow wow | 27 |
| tsm | 11 |
| pat | 10 |
| chicka bow wow | 3 |
| genius babies | 3 |
| chad faust in person | 3 |
| holocaust | 2 |
| safesearch is off | 2 |
| pat kerr | 2 |
| “bow chicka bow wow” | 2 |
| site:images.filecloud.com rape | 2 |
| work safe blog | 2 |
| genius baby | 2 |
| bow chicka wow wow | 1 |
| bow chicka bow wow? | 1 |
| slurred olivia svu | 1 |
| nazi paper | 1 |
| baby kid | 1 |
| august rush image of back cover of dvd c | 1 |
| nazi germany | 1 |
| “i was raped” shirt | 1 |
| angela bright | 1 |
| work safe | 1 |
| all-in-one sweet tarts rope help | 1 |
| oh chicka bow wow | 1 |
| tall people | 1 |
| bodies from nazi holocaust | 1 |
| nazi mass grave | 1 |
| “unable to get myself off” | 1 |
| you don’t scare me | 1 |
| baby invitations | 1 |
| ashlee simpson little miss obsessive | 1 |
| bow chika bow wow | 1 |
| august rush theories | 1 |
| “ashlee simpson” “little miss obsessive” | 1 |
| movie of males getting raped( raped scen | 1 |
| bow chicka bow wow! | 1 |
| chicka chicka bow bow | 1 |
| i shouldn’t look at | 1 |
| baby shower invites diaper | 1 |
| shouldn’t look | 1 |
| fat babies | 1 |
| baby shower invitations | 1 |
| babies who just pooped | 1 |
| kid raped | 1 |
| bow wows haircuts | 1 |
| tattoos of sexual assault ribbons | 1 |
| “charlie bit me” | 1 |
Now, some of those make sense. Others, you know, frighten me a little. What makes me laugh is that our MOST SEARCHED TERM result is “bow chicka bow wow” and a few other variations of the same thing, which I used in this post. Really, people search for that? I guess so, if they also search for “pat kerr” (I’m officially offended, by the way.), “i shouldn’t look at” (What? DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING!) and “all-in-one sweet tarts rope help” (I didn’t realize they were so hard to eat!). OH, and to the person who searched for “babies who just pooped”… email me. And the person who’s “unable to get [him/her]self off”, Angela has some nice books you might want to check out.
I’m not even going to mention some of the other ones. I’ve crossed them out because they’re disgusting…! You’re going to Hell. And not the same circle of Hell that I’m going to be in, because that’s reserved for cynics and people who curse in front of their mothers (guilty). You’re going to be several circles below me so that I can pee on your head. A lot. And I’m going to enjoy it. (Bring on the search engine links for watersports!)
Okay, I saw this clip posted over at dooce (whom I LOVE!), and just HAD to share it with you. Check out what dooce has to say about it here, because she does it more elequantly than I ever could…
You don’t think the commercial could possibly be about what you first think it is… but it SO IS. Check it out below:
Thanks to this video, today will go down as one of the best days of my life. EVER.
Word of the Day:
Textitude (text·ti·tude)
- noun
A negative manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc. directed towards another person, expressed by the speed, length, word choice, and punctuation of their texts.
In other words, giving (or getting) attitude through texting.
This has happened to you. This has ticked you off. You may even have given someone you know a huge textitude. Don’t be ashamed! This is a great thing. Clever is the generation that can add layers of meaning to a message that they’re writing with a very difficult-to-use number pad. And perceptive is the generation that can derive this meaning from a 2-square-inch screen. Congratulations, Generation Y, you’re on your way to greatness!
oh ps - speaking about generations… according to wikipedia, if you were born in between 1982 and 1986, you don’t have a generation.
SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAS HAHAHAA
Alright I know you’re young, energetic, and excited for all the possibilities of the future. So I apologize in advance for ruining your dreams.
One of the leading headlines in today’s Wall Street Journal reads, “Class of ‘08, A Scramble for Jobs” (see below for the full article) and basically, the article goes on to tell us how college graduates, especially ones with mediocre grades, are never going to get hired what with the present economic crisis and all.
I’m sorry, but it’s true. I know I should be outraged at the current Masters of the Universe for screwing up our economy and ruining our lives, but I can’t… because it’s so predictable. Nothing’s ever easy for us, guys. We’re the ones who had to get into college when it was the hardest time to get accepted; we’re the ones who have to try to find a job when no one’s hiring. Most of us also picked a major that has a starting salary of zero. Shit happens.
But it’s okay because we’re learning how to DEAL.
It’s amazing the things you learn about your parents as you grow older. When you’re younger, you idolize them, think of them as infallable superpeople who are impervious to disease, distruction, and natural disasters alike.
But then they do shit like this. More specifically, my father…
My parents made an arrangement with my sister that they would pay for her first year of school, so they passed on this offer to me. They never told me about this, they just started paying it. After my first year of college, I found out about it and told them to stop paying it. It was an additional $250 bucks or so a month that they didn’t need to pay, and I knew I was going to have a shitload of debt anyway, and what was another $10,000?
So, a few months later they decided to refinance their mortgage, and pay off all of their credit cards, their cars, and a number of other things so that they would only have one monthly payment. Sounds fair enough. But, because I took back the loan, they offered to pay off my car, which was equal to the amount of the loan for my first year of college. They did this BECAUSE I took back the loan, and was not part of any deal we hatched to exchange loans (this is an important distinction).
I was talking to my father yesterday, and expressing my idea to sell my car to pay off my immediate debt and give me a little cash cushion when I start my life after graduation (which is in 3 weeks!). Because I am in Boston and the car is in Pennsylvania, I asked him if he would be willing to handle the sale, and I would be willing to give him 5% (which would be at LEAST $500, because I won’t sell the car for less than $10,000). Sounds like a good deal, right?
He proceeds to tell me that, because he is permanently disabled, there is a way for him to get loans he signed for BEFORE he was permanently disabled forgiven, which would include my first year school loan. Fantastic! That would really help me out in the long run, because it would be $10K less that I’d have to worry about repaying!
The next few words out of his mouth were the ones that shocked me. He claims that, because this loan might be forgiven and they are still paying off the consolidation loan they put my car under, that I should give him $8,000 from the sale of my car.
WHAT?
At first I thought he was joking, but he really wasn’t. He thinks that, because he is changing the circumstances, that I should just give him $8,000 in cash? $8,000 that I’m trying to use to start my life debt free? Remember, my parents were the ones who OFFERED to pay off my car BECAUSE I took back my first year loan… something I did because I was concerned about THEIR finances, with no regard to how it would affect me in the long run.
Wouldn’t you think that any other father would see this as a gift for their child? What person, in their right mind, would automatically jump to the conclusion that I should just hand over $8,000?
Dad, thanks, but no thanks. If that’s the price of your GENEROSITY, I think I’ll pass. I’ll just pay for the loan myself, LIKE I PLANNED TO DO FROM THE BEGINNING.
