Yeah, Great Blog…

I don’t want to say much about Dark Knight, because you NEED to go and see for yourself. At the risk of a law suit, though, I will say one thing: Heath Ledger killed himself playing the Joker… and it was absolutely worth it.

 There. I said it.

 But seriously, Ledger’s brilliant performance calls attention to the Joker as one of the most revolting villains American entertainment has seen. And believe me, I’m one to appreciate a good villain when I see one.

 From since I can remember, I’ve been one of those people who’s drawn to the villain. For me, there are two categories of Villain: the repulsive ones (like the Joker), and the charismatic ones. The latter are the villains I appreciate. They’re bad, so I feel guilty liking them, but I go back and watch the movie again and again… just to see the villain.  

Here’s a quick list of Villains I freaking love:

Commodus in Gladiator

Okay, I know he’s eerie and a weenie and tries to make out his sister. But I absolutely fell in love with Joaquin Phoenix the first time I saw Gladiator. He does a phenomenal job, and manages to be insecure and imperfect enough that you wind up hating him but also pitying him. That’s quite an achievement.

 

 

Green Goblin in Spiderman

 

Umm… Willem Dafoe’s gorgeous and insane and BADASS. That maniacal Goblin laugh still gives me chills. And the way he just slides his wide smile over his teeth. Yeah seriously he’s awesome.

 

Jafar in Aladdin

Okay. Jafar had a cape with huge shoulder pads. And a nasssty goatee. And a sorcerer’s stick! You have to admit that the voice over performance was really very distinctive and good.

 

 

Scarecrow in Batman Begins

I think I’m actually just obsessed with Cillian Murphy’s lips.

 

Agent Smith from the Matrix

Bring up The Matrix in conversation with any group of people, and guaranteed someone will pipe up, “Missster Annnderson…” Hugo Weaving’s half human/half machine performance was the highlight of the movie. That balance made him even more terrifying, but all the more approachable.

 

[An aside from the editorial department: You also have to consider that, given the chance, Mister Potato Head would look like an Acadamy Award winning actor when put onscreen with Mr. Keanu I-made-a-career-of-killing-great-scripts-with-my-lack-of-expression-and-monotone Reeves.]

 

 

If there’s one thing this presidential campaign has brought to light, it’s that America is sexist. Now, we women knew that already because we have to deal with sexism as part of our day-to-day lives, but I can’t tell you how many men I know (my boyfriend included) that stubbornly insist that sexism is a thing of the past.

Just to put it out there: I don’t like Hillary Clinton. In fact, I hate her. I’m glad she’s not going to win the democratic primary, because she’s corrupt and her ideas would destroy America (okay… next time I’ll tell you how I really feel). 

So you understand that I’m not a fan.

But stuff like this t-shirt really makes me sick. It’s one thing to disagree with her as a politician, but to attack her because she’s a woman — and we’ve seen so much of that in the past year — is point-black unacceptable. Why does she get picked on for what she wears? Why is she called a “thing,” and “the right man for the job… Not,” and, most shockingly and important, why is she repeatedly attacked with nasty language, as you see above, that attacks her femininity, and not her occupation as a politician?

You don’t see anyone calling Obama a manwhore or McCain a gigolo… why are they calling Hillary a whore (and worse)?

Whether it likes it or not, the entire American population is participating in ”Get thin and buy clothes” program.

See, no one can afford gas so everyone’s walking everywhere. No one can afford to buy food because of the ridiculous prices, so no one’s eating. AND (best of all) because of the faltering economy, stores (luxury stores like Saks and Neiman’s included) are marking down their merchandise three months earlier than last year, and marking it down a LOT, because they’re finding that people no longer want to pay full price. Believe it or not, they’re seeing a 20% increase in profits than last year. Hmmm… are retailers finally realizing that their clothes are disgustingly overpriced and people never like to overpay?

Anyway check out the nasty sales. If you’re into brand names, Nordstrom.com and Lordandtaylor.com have some dirt cheap stuff. Urbanoutfitters.com also has a bunch of site markdowns. But aside from these places, it’s generally worth it to visit the store physically because they usually have additional markdowns (Bloomingdales, Club Monaco, J.Crew and the shopping mall bunch).

Word of the Day: 

Textitude (text·ti·tude)
- noun 

A negative manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc. directed towards another person, expressed by the speed, length, word choice, and punctuation of their texts. 

In other words, giving (or getting) attitude through texting.

 

This has happened to you. This has ticked you off. You may even have given someone you know a huge textitude. Don’t be ashamed! This is a great thing. Clever is the generation that can add layers of meaning to a message that they’re writing with a very difficult-to-use number pad. And perceptive is the generation that can derive this meaning from a 2-square-inch screen. Congratulations, Generation Y, you’re on your way to greatness! 

 

oh ps - speaking about generations… according to wikipedia, if you were born in between 1982 and 1986, you don’t have a generation. 

SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAS HAHAHAA

Alright I know you’re young, energetic, and excited for all the possibilities of the future. So I apologize in advance for ruining your dreams.

One of the leading headlines in today’s Wall Street Journal reads, “Class of ‘08, A Scramble for Jobs” (see below for the full article) and basically, the article goes on to tell us how college graduates, especially ones with mediocre grades, are never going to get hired what with the present economic crisis and all.

I’m sorry, but it’s true. I know I should be outraged at the current Masters of the Universe for screwing up our economy and ruining our lives, but I can’t… because it’s so predictable. Nothing’s ever easy for us, guys. We’re the ones who had to get into college when it was the hardest time to get accepted; we’re the ones who have to try to find a job when no one’s hiring. Most of us also picked a major that has a starting salary of zero. Shit happens.

But it’s okay because we’re learning how to DEAL.

Full article

 

I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been too busy playing with myself.

I’m serious. My boss recently told me and my co-worker about Meez characters (www.meez.com) and since then… well, let’s just say not too much work has been getting done in the O’Reilly Cambridge Office.

It’s great! Ingenious, actually. It encourages us to become absolute narcissists and wrapped up in a digital world. Isn’t this what American entertainment has been striving to achieve from the beginning?

Anyway you should check it out, make your own character, and friend me on Meez! Because collecting online friends is way more important to me than my human-to-human relationships.

Look! It’s ME!!!!!!! ME ME ME ME! Making my Meez dance is so much more fun than dancing in real life!

While we’re on the topic of movies, I’d like to throw my own two cents in on a movie I just saw.

In a few words: The Bank Job is a great movie.

Let me elaborate.

Anyone who went into the theater expecting another Ocean’s 11 or The Italian Job may have been disappointed, because The Bank Job is far from your cookie-cutter-Hollywood heist movie.

First of all, The Bank Job is based on a true story, which makes it all the more exciting. It also means that unexpected things happen, because everyone knows that Our Lord writes the world’s most interesting storylines.

The Bank Job begins with a bunch of amateur crooks trying to pull off a major heist, and it’s somewhat interesting and none too original. It’s in the second half of the movie that the audience begins to realize the layers of complexity that lie beneath a seemingly simple plot, as the characters begin to find that robbing a bank vault can have some surprising (and terrifying) consequences. Moral is, don’t judge a movie by its title.

Go pay the $8 and see The Bank Job. It’s so worth it. Even if you don’t like heists, the clothes in this movie are fabulous.

Liz’s Quick Recap
Rating: 8 out of 10
Violence: One graphic scene
Swearing: Like you wouldn’t believe
Number of Topless Scenes: About 400
Number of Topless Scenes with Jason Statham: 1/2 (<<The reason it didn’t get a 10 out of 10)

I’m worried. Very worried.

Yesterday I was working late with my boss and we were on one of our usual tangents. I don’t know how it came up, but he ended up telling me, “Suits are dead. They don’t even wear suits at Fidelity anymore.”

This upsets me. What does this say about our corporations? What does it say about the mentality of our Great country? And, most importantly, who are American women going to check out??

There are few things in the world more attractive than a guy in a suit. A suit exudes success, respect, brains, and every good adjective in the book. And now, the suit is going out of style. Why? Because men are either too fat to look good in them, or too lazy to get dressed up every day.

Suits were the last remnants of gentlemen from the age where guys dressed to impress. Now, “dressing up” for a guy usually consists of jeans and a T-shirt. Maybe you’ll get a button-down and jeans and sneakers if you’re really lucky. Men just don’t care anymore! And we women have been too easy on them. While we’re really careful with our appearances and spend time and money to make sure we look presentable and respectable, guys are held to none of the same standards.

And I know you’re thinking, ‘well it’s the your fault for caring.’ Let me address this plainly and simply: Women are in a catch-22 situation right now. If we stopped taking pride in our appearance like men have, then the world will perceive us as incapable, sloppy, dumb, and ugly. But as we continue taking care of our appearances, we perpetuate the stereotype that “all girls think about is clothes and makeup.”

I’m sorry this got really preachy, but can I get an Amen from anybody here?? Am I the only one who is upset and depressed to find out about the Demise of the Suit? Please comment and tell me I’m not alone!

I just sent out invitations to my sister-in-law’s baby shower. Every fricken blasted polka-dotted envelope is now in the mailbox, being carted along to its assigned recipient. Now, if you know me even a little bit, you know that this quite an ironic situation, because I don’t like babies. They scare me.

And let me tell you why.

Let’s overlook the fact that they poop on themselves and puke on anything colorful. I’m pretty sure that babies, for all their height deficiencies, are secretly geniuses.

Think about it: all they have to do is scream, and they get every single capable adult in earshot doting on them. They don’t even have to walk or feed themselves! Worry about what to wear the next morning! And when a baby wakes up in the middle of the night because they have to go to the bathroom, they don’t have to lie there debating whether to get out of bed like we do. All they have to do is pee on themselves and then someone is there immediately to clean them up! Life doesn’t really get much better than that.

Another reason that babies are actually smarter than adults: they have us convinced that being fat is good. In fact, the chubbier the baby, the cuter it is! No one likes a skinny baby! Full grown women, for all their education and worldly wisdom, have never been that clever. If women were smarter than babies, then we’d be saying, “Oh my god, I look so emaciated today. I have to start eating more pasta and ice cream.” But alas, the babies have beat us at this one too.

So, women of the world, let’s learn a lesson from these teeny weeny geniuses. I know you can’t remember the last time you pooped your diaper, but try to go back and get into the mindset of when you were a baby, because this was the era of your life that you were smartest and most perceptive. Together, we can resolve to change the way our bodies are perceived. NO we will not go to the gym! Just PASS ME THE TWINKIES.

A website insulted me yesterday. And I’m not talking about reading something someone wrote and being insulted by it. No, I’m talking about a website asking me questions about myself, judging my answers, and then making fun of me because of my responses! Unbelievable.

Let me tell you what happened: I was clicking around online and I came across a “How Girly Are You?” quiz. Well, I was curious, so I took the quiz and answered all their inane questions (Do you take care of your toes? Do you like puppies? GAGGGGG ).

So I submitted the quiz, and this is what that asshole website said to me about my answers:

You Are 16% Girly

Um… you’re a guy, right? If not, you’re the most boyish girl in the world. And for you, that’s probably the ultimate compliment.

See what I mean??? That is SO RUDE! I mean, I don’t care about the low score. I’ve gotten bad grades before. But what is their deal, putting some ugly chick with a skateboard up on my computer screen? And they called me a dude. Absolutely unforgivable. No, website, that is not a compliment.

I’m feminine! I swear! You can definitely tell I’m a girl from probably like… two miles away. At least. Girliness oozes from my pores. I just get made fun of because I’d rather invest my money than spend it all getting my nails done. Anyway, nail salons are ultimately a waste of money because I’d just mess them up rock climbing anyway. See what I mean? I’m just being practical!

So in retaliation, I’m going to make up my own version of the Girly Quiz. Take this if you dare:

The Ultimate Girly Quiz 

1. You own at least one article of clothing that says Princess on it. [1 point]
   
2. Your boyfriend is way lucky to have you. [1 point]
   
3. You have been in a fight with at least two of your close friends in the past month. [1 point]
   
4. You couldn’t lift anything heavier than shopping bags… even if you tried. [1 point]
   
5. You’re on your third box of Crest Whitestrips this month. [1 point]
   
6. It’s okay to wear Uggs with sweatpants. [1 point]
   
7. It’s okay to wear Uggs. [5 points]
   
8. You can’t live without your Tiffany’s. [1 point]
   
9. Your flat iron is your life. [1 point]
   
10. You’ll pay any amount of money for anything, as long as it has those Coach C’s. [5 points]
    
11. You can’t walk out of your house without at least a half inch of bronzer on your face. [1 point]
    
12. Everyone is jealous of you. [239487129176 points]

Now, add up your score. If you have two points or higher, you should kill yourself now.  And, no, you’re not allowed to go to the salon first.