Yeah, Great Blog…

So I went to the new Apple store on Boylston St. in Boston the other day and realized something highly amusing (at least from my standpoint).  On macs there is an application called dashboard that when selected puts a bunch of useful widgets on your screen, including a current weather and five day forecast for any city that you set it to.  However, little known fact apparently, if you just type in Boston the widget will automatically provide the weather for Boston, Georgia because this Boston comes first alphabetically.  Therefore, when you clicked on dashboard for the weather report on any of the tons of the computers on the three floors of the store you were given a rather sunny and brutally hot forecast that was woefully incorrect for the user’s current location.  

I am not technically inclined in the slightest, but, if I figured this out, wouldn’t you think at least one of the so called “geniuses” that works at the store would’ve noticed this and corrected it immediately?

For a starting price of $1099, I want a computer that will automatically conform to my specific intended settings, whether I’m able to coherently request them or not.

This site has been live for a little over two months now (YAY!).  Through the WordPress Plugin that allows me to see how many people visit the site and what they look at, it also tells me search engine terms that people type into places like Yahoo! and Google that link to my site…  Here are all of them.

Now, some of those make sense.  Others, you know, frighten me a little.  What makes me laugh is that our MOST SEARCHED TERM result is “bow chicka bow wow” and a few other variations of the same thing, which I used in this post.  Really, people search for that?  I guess so, if they also search for “pat kerr” (I’m officially offended, by the way.), “i shouldn’t look at” (What? DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING!) and “all-in-one sweet tarts rope help” (I didn’t realize they were so hard to eat!).  OH, and to the person who searched for “babies who just pooped”… email me.  And the person who’s “unable to get [him/her]self off”, Angela has some nice books you might want to check out.

I’m not even going to mention some of the other ones.  I’ve crossed them out because they’re disgusting…!  You’re going to Hell.  And not the same circle of Hell that I’m going to be in, because that’s reserved for cynics and people who curse in front of their mothers (guilty).  You’re going to be several circles below me so that I can pee on your head.  A lot.  And I’m going to enjoy it.  (Bring on the search engine links for watersports!)

Word of the Day: 

Textitude (text·ti·tude)
- noun 

A negative manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc. directed towards another person, expressed by the speed, length, word choice, and punctuation of their texts. 

In other words, giving (or getting) attitude through texting.

This has happened to you. This has ticked you off. You may even have given someone you know a huge textitude. Don’t be ashamed! This is a great thing. Clever is the generation that can add layers of meaning to a message that they’re writing with a very difficult-to-use number pad. And perceptive is the generation that can derive this meaning from a 2-square-inch screen. Congratulations, Generation Y, you’re on your way to greatness! 

oh ps - speaking about generations… according to wikipedia, if you were born in between 1982 and 1986, you don’t have a generation. 

SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAS HAHAHAA

After being hit on by Mr. Dial Breath, I thought my day could not be any more complete.  I was mistaken.

While at my second job, I hear my friend yell to me “FRAN!  Someone’s buying your dress!”  (Side note:  I had purchased a different dress the day before for a wedding, but I had considered the garment that was now behind the register before the dress I actually bought won out).

No worries.  Now picture this:  a tall, fairly large man in a football jersey, with a bit of a goatee.  Got it?

Okay, the dress was for him.  I think the color would have complimented his skin tone nicely, and I kind of wonder if it looked better on him than it did me.

At least he has good taste. 

I think I have the weirdest dreams sometimes.  Nine times out of ten I can’t remember them, but every once in a while I wake up with a big ‘ole “WTF?” bubble hanging over my head.

This morning was one of the latter.

A guy was attacking me and a group of people (the only person I recognized was my sister), and we were all fighting him, but he kept coming.  Somehow, we ended up in a van of sorts, with me sitting behind him, and I strangled him from behind.  Now, I don’t know if it’s really possible to strangle someone from behind using only your hands, but apparently you can in my head.  It actually felt more like compressing one of those plastic medical tubes against a metal pole.  Having never strangled someone (from behind or otherwise) before, I can only assume that’s not how it actually feels.  I kept the the strangulation going for a few minutes, and he seemed to be dead, but the second I let go he popped back up!

Then, suddenly, my sister was driving the van (which had somehow turned into an ambulance… with the steering wheel in the center of the console, since I was sitting on her left and someone else was sitting on her right), and she ends up T-Boning a truck in front of us.

This doesn’t seem to phase us in the least, because we get out of the ambulance and continue our dance with death (fighting the baddie who can’t be strangled), and we end up killing him with a pair of shock paddles from the back of the ambulance.

Interesting.  I should probably buy a dream book and try to interpret it’s true meaning.  It could mean anything really, like that I’m meant to be a vigilante crime fighter, or maybe, possibly, that I shouldn’t have eaten four hotdogs for dinner.  (I had a craving, people!)